Introduction

Grief instantly puts a halt on your youth. The good ole days will forever be reminisced about. Grief is something you experience that no book or internet blog can prepare you for. It’s indescribable as if words can’t line up in the correct sequence enough to paint the picture of what it truly is. 

The day I lost my best friend was the day everything changed. It’s been close to four years now and I’m still picking up the pieces of who I was then and who I am today. It’s been a puzzle that comes with no corner pieces and the the box with the picture on it is nowhere to be found. I have Jesus, I have my family, but I no longer have Armani. 

That earth shattering day was one you never fathomed could happen to you. You see Facebook posts about friends losing their friends, you drop an automated “I’m sorry for your loss” comment, (maybe) text your best friend you love them, and keep it moving. Then it suddenly happens to you and you are left emotionally wrecked forever. 

I’m fragile. Emotionally distraught. If one more curveball came my way I’d likely crumble. Writing this introduction at a cemetery close to home and it’s the only place I could come that would give me the solace, courage, and inspiration to write what I’ve been holding in for so long. 

The pain of sudden loss I went through ended up snatching open the well-tamed wounds of my past. My childhood trauma rose to the surface and once I expressed that pain, it was shot down, rejected, belittled, and has led to even more pain with the one who bragged about loving me unconditionally for years. 

Grief has put a scar on my youth. It opened my eyes to what has hurt me and my heart could no longer hide behind the smiles, laughs, and jokes I am constantly giving to the world. Encouraging people to have faith is a mission you may have seen me on. But behind every great mission is the loss that led them to get on that path.

This is my story of loss, and it can be yours too. Losing my best friend is something I’ve experienced my entire life and it never hit me until I lost Armani. These words aren’t just about how “I feel,” it’s about how we feel. How we feel losing someone so close to us we can still feel them there.  How we feel about missing someone so much you’d consider dying yourself to go see them again. How we feel about an All Loving God whose promises remain true? I’m fragile.

This book is vulnerable and will tell whoever reads it a whole lot more about me and this faith journey I’ve been on since March of 2020. The gospel of John changed my life forever and I’ll never stop testifying about the Good News of Jesus Christ.