20 Years Ago I Found Out My Brother Died
It was my first loss.
The pain was so real, so new, so deep… I never would have thought that pain could happen again.
This loss changed my family forever.
I got to pick his middle name. I loved the movie “Remember the Titans” and wanted him to be like Julius. “That’s my brother” - Gerry Bertier
It felt like that was the moment “childhood” ended.
Grief entered our house, and she overstayed her welcome.
Holidays were tainted.
Babies went from being cute bundles of joy to the only human beings we didn’t want to see in public.
Bathtubs and showers were filled with tears.
The downstairs room might as well have had caution tape wrapped around the door.
Eager for his arrival, we painted and prepared his room as we pondered baby names.
In the blink of an eye, this room became storage, and the bassinets and blankets moved to the back of the closet.
I changed. Who wouldn’t?
There was no meal train, no GoFundMe, or even a place to express your thoughts and let your community know what happened. I had to tell people in person, over and over and over again.
We dealt with it alone. Each of us grieved in our own way.
“Coping.”
Isolated.
Heartbroken.
The brother I begged my parents for over a decade was lifeless a week before his arrival.
I’ve been writing a book about “The Human Experience of Losing a Best Friend” for the last 22 months.
The truth is, I’ve been writing this book for 20 years, and Armani’s loss was the wound that ripped open all the other ones.
It’s been 20 years, and I still remember sitting on the stairs as my dad told me the news.
Demitrius Julius was made for heaven with love. I look forward to seeing him in eternity one day.
May the promises of God keep us hopeful and take away the sting of death.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
— Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
If you would like to help us fund our next book project, “Me, Armani, and Jesus… The Human Experience of Losing a Best Friend,” you can sow a seed below.
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What was supposed to be a ten-day mission trip, ended up being a 21-day life-changing experience. Zach's first time traveling to preach the Gospel was during a time when Uganda, Africa just experienced back-to-back COVID lockdowns. With a background in stand-up comedy, Zach shares his experience loving the one in front of him in a way that's raw, real, and humorous which will impact readers for years to come.
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Foreword by Troy Brewer
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